i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
