so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
