3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
