I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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