Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
only if we run a train.
done.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
