Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
