No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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