you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
