i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
