Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
