things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
