I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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