I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
