She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
