great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
