who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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