You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
