worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
