the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
