you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
