Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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