and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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