Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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