And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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