I am puke
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
