Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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