u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
