It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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