So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
