I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
