The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
