I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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