Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
