Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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