He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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