Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm too high and old for this...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
