so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
