I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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