Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
