I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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