I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
