in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
