Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
