so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
