what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
