i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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