I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
