Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
