im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
