end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
