You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
